Perspective

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My youngest and I are working on the same thing, perspective. Well, I guess the whole family is always trying to work on that right? Turn that frown upside down. Although I am not talking about getting rid of a feeling. I think it is ok to acknowledge a sad or mad emotion, but I also feel that it is how we respond to challenges in life that defines us. We can acknowledge the sadness and then work on finding the positive in a situation.

This past week has been a prime example of changing perspectives. I knew I was not in the most positive place. I knew a run would help me. In fact, I have not run since thanksgiving. I was struggling on where to find a spot to put it in. Then I realized I could have one of the older girls watch them after school while I ran around the school. It was the perfect idea. One older girl had a sport and one could watch while I ran. Then we would all finish at the same time. My youngest had a different perspective. She did not like the idea of me going for a run at all. Suddenly I was faced with the prospect of no outside time for exercise. It was a major blow. I spent the next two days bummed. I had to change my perspective.

I have a strength training program I got a while ago. So I got that out. I set up my workouts in my calendar and I got going on one. The exercise endorphins kicked in. My mood picked up. My perspective completely changed. I started thinking about what I could do instead of what I could not do. Sure I may not be able to run outside right now, but I could regain my guns. I could strengthen my neck muscles and my back muscles. I began to feel more positive. I realized I could do running inside. The kids were happy so I jumped on the treadmill. It was boring as heck but I got 3 miles in. Boom! New strategy formulated. I will get strong and try to get one to two runs on the weekend when my husband is home. I will not get alone time outside as much, but I will get stress relieving exercise in with the strength workouts.

With my perspective changed I had renewed energy to help my kiddo work on changing her perspective.

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Sunrise or sunset?  You decide.

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Happy New Year

MVIMG_20190101_163342It’s been a while. We have been crazy busy. Lately all of my time has been focused on my youngest kiddo. She has been having a very rough time for the last nine months and it has recently come to an anxiety filled head. The poor child has spent much of the last few months in tears off and on. She hates to be away from me and forget about traveling. Yet we had a big family trip planned to another country. I tried a highly recommended book which helped but the closer we got to the trip the more difficult life became for her. We finally found a therapist who could get her in and seemed like a good fit, but we did not have many visits before we left. I tried a countdown calendar made by her to help her get ready. That did not help…in fact it may have made the anticipation worse. The early morning of the trip was filled with tears. She did not want to get in the car. Once I convinced her to get in she napped until we got there. Then there was a massive crying screaming as we got to the airport and had to get out. Then I had to convince her to get on the plane. She had to know where the bathroom was, and she had to have an aisle seat so she could flee to it when she needed to. Quiet crying and constant fidgeting was the order of the day. Nothing like 20 plus hours of travel on a plane next to an anxious kiddo to give you time to think about life.

Here this poor kiddo of only eight years old is filled with a shaking anxiety. Why? Because of me…yes I know that it is not really my fault. I know I did not cause this cancer. But it was me. It was my body. It was me who left her gymnastics early to head to the ER. I was the one who did not return for a week. I was the one who suddenly was not the super strong mom. I was the broken mom with no neck bones who she had to be careful around. The one who choked on my pills because my throat was messed up. I was the one who everyone was carefully dancing around. I was the one who always comforted her and suddenly couldn’t in the same way.

If she must take on the burden of worry about her mother then her mother will gladly take on the burden of being the only one she wants right now. I will be the one who she gets angry at. I will be the one whose arms she falls into. I will be the one who sits in a stinky castle bathroom while she seeks the quiet realm of the bathroom stall. I will be the one to find a way to make her laugh. I will stand by her side because I owe her. Because I am her mother. Because I love her more than I ever thought possible.

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